Posted by: eveyoga | May 9, 2010

Dare I? (Y.T.A.P.T.)

I guess not. I’m not game to put it right up there in the title.

Nevertheless, I would like to talk about sex. In the spirit of Yoga Teachers Are People Too.

The ancient sage Patanjali comments on the topic of sexual energy in the Yoga Sutra and his writing has been variously interpreted as Don’t Do It (Brahmacharya). But also, Do It if you are married and wish to procreate (sounds like Catholicism!).

I mentioned awhile back that I did a series of workshops called “Love, Intimacy and Sexuality” that were a revelation in terms of taking apart each of those concepts, and the beginning for me of understanding what they meant.

Mostly I think what happens is love, intimacy and sex get all rolled together, along with lashings of ignorance or misunderstanding, and then we finish up approaching the subjects with fear, lack of information, bravado, or unawareness.

To me, sex is a beautiful activity that I can share with my husband, a reciprocal gift. Making time for connecting says that no matter how busy we are in the world, we still need to tend to each other. Not having time, being too tired and not feeling like it, are excuses that often point to something else going on – even when the reasons seem true.

Sometimes I’m not ready to be sexual because there are things I need to clear or share with Daniel that are in the way of connecting physically. Patanjali says practice “satya” – truth-telling. That’s what I’m talking about here.

Daniel & I have a tool we use from time to time when we have gotten to a stuck place.

We sit on the floor, facing each other, with a lit candle between us. One of us starts this ritual called a Heart Share by pulling the candle a little closer,which indicates who will go first. The first speaker says whatever is on the mind or in the heart for about 5 or 10 minutes, and then there is a short period of silence. The second speaker then draws in the candle and speaks her/his piece.

These are two separate shares, not one person answering the other. The spirit of the practice is of emptying out, speaking with “I” statements, not blaming, just talking feelings, aspirations, disappointments, whatever matters.

Whether or not sex ensues from the above exercise is less important than the relationship building or re-building that occurs. And, that in itself, can be an aphrodisiac.

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Responses

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Daniel Weinstein, Eve Grzybowski. Eve Grzybowski said: Dare I? (Y.T.A.P.T.): http://wp.me/pKLbB-8y […]

  2. Love the candles , nice way to keep the slate clean , is a must … I do it with a flower !

    also think yoga gives great strength in positions …. for making love ,
    so many poses are tops for making love ….
    and one of my best discovery i will share , is a yoga mat , keep a special one for making love because you don’t slip ….

  3. Beautifully said, lovely Eve. You are an amazing writer. I’m loving your thoughts and sharing.You are a beautiful, sexy, delicious woman yogi. You are a gift as the very real person that you are. Next time, go for it – put sex in the title!! :>)
    Love you,
    Anne


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